The importance of regret.

I am a free spirit for sure; some would say "to a fault." I have always beat my own drum and danced my own dance, always. Typically, I have taken great pride in my differences from the "norm" and have encouraged my children to do the same.

I am not sure where I got this trait. I have always insisted it was not from my Mother. My Mom has always seemed a bit to "concerned about appearances" to be considered adventurous. I have always viewed my Mom as a conformist, and at times a bit too conservative. My Dad and stepmother, on the other hand, have always seemed so cosmopolitan to me. They always struck me as easy going, go with the flow, have fun and live it up, type people. Dad felt comfortable burping and farting anywhere (or maybe it is that he felt comfortable after burping and farting...) and Connie frequently drew attention with her wild hair and in-your-face-fashion. Mom on the other hand dresses in denim jumpers and keeps her hair in a bun secured by a zillion bobby pins.

Dad took us on trips to San Francisco where Connie and I would watch as he gracefully thanked a gay man for the flirtation, but as flattered as he was, he was here with his WIFE and kids. Dad and Connie have always been tolerant of differences, so has Mom. And the three of them have always gotten along very well.

When I actually stop and compare the differences in their lifestyles, I think I have somehow gotten it backwards. My Mom has moved a lot. We have always referred to this propensity for change as a "wanderlust." Mom went when she felt like a change would improve life. Mom was a permanent RVer for a little while (long after the kids were grown and gone). Mom went on an Alaskan Cruise. ALONE. Mom was a single Mom since the 70s and she managed to own several businesses along the way. Mom was an accomplished woman even in the days when women were up against all odds in the work place.
Dad and Connie have been comparatively stationary. My Dad might use the word "stable" in place of "stationary" but I have a different idea of what stability is. Dad and Connie have, undoubtedly, managed their finances so well that retirement will be very comfortable, even after the hits they took in the recession. Dad and Connie have had a great life and have rarely had to worry about money because they have worked hard. My Dad's job on the railroad has provided very well, but at a price. My Dad has spent very little time, in the long run, on relationships. I love my Dad, but really I hardly know him. I know this hurts him. He was forced to make a choice. I know he made the right choice for him in his situation.

Our dream, of the nomadic lifestyle, is one that my Mother sees the merits of. My father questions it. I think they are both right. From their different perspectives they both see what they have the capacity to see. At first, my father's less than enthusiastic reaction to my announcement made me feel inadequate. I have always had him and Connie on a pedestal called "success." My Mother fully supports the path we have chosen, and that scared me because she has always been on the pedestal called "struggle."

I have the benefit of having lived in both of their perspectives. I have the benefit of seeing the rewards they have amassed and the failures that now haunt them. The lessons, that are their lives, have inspired me to this path I have chosen. Will I make mistakes? Yes. Will I have regrets? Yes. But my regrets will be different than theirs. My regrets will be the ones my children will use to plan their own paths. My regrets will be necessary and are unavoidable. My regrets are my children's wisdom; like the regrets of my parents are my wisdom. Thanks, Mom and Dad and Connie, for all you have taught me and all you continue to teach. I love you!